Howdy Bus brethren
"I remember my first orgasm. I tell ya, I was terrified. Hey whattya expect, I was all by myeslf" --the late great Rodney Dangerfield.
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I'm Patrick, the King of California Buses. There simply Is No Equal, so don't bother looking. I already know some of you. I was going to write a generic letter explaining my self, and reason for existence, but instead decided to amaze and delght you wth this litle bit of mirth I call "my latest ad on Ebay". Enjoy......
Here is the text of my new Ebay ad. Send it only to those who have courage and gentleness, strong backs and broad hips, or something like that. It is titled (to attract Fat Older White Men With Money) "FOR SALE: MY ATTRACTIVE WIFE AND BUS"
=================
Well, I'm actually only selling an "image" of my attractive wife now. EBay rejected my first ad, and the wife weren’t too pleased either. She got on her computer, went to EBay and listed me in Antiques, subcategory "Jerks" so I guess I got what I deserved.
So what am I really selling in this ad? Well, what’s it to you? Are you here to buy a very good high quality long lasting rugged and powerful diesel bus from me, or give me hard time? I would definitely do the former, because I have a terrible temper and poor emotional control in most situations (except when helping a grateful and satisfied customer with their high quality ultra durable best deal on the Net rugged and capable diesel bus, or parts.)
You can see all the buses I got, it's ridiculous at this point. I'm getting 3-4 more this month. So why would a otherwise sane person be doing this?? (selling buses, not wives) Well read on my son, read on.
I do this bus thing to support my fabulous non-profit, the Wheelchair Project. My wife and I went to Central America (that was my first wife, she ran away with one of my buses, a tall strapping young triple axle with a full head of hair and a devil may care Bad Boy attitude. I still see them around town now and then, and it still hurts) and had kids brought to us who were either very sick, going deaf, etc. and it was just from lack of very simple stuff like clean water, and medicines you could get at Wal-Mart for three bucks.
So, we either had a chance to face it, or act like we didn’t see it, so we decided to face it. So we helped raise 9000 bucks, and sent it to some scam artists who were supposed to be legitimate (Hey I DIDN”T choose these folks, the group did) and went we got to Nicaragua, the hospital hadn’t been destroyed, they never heard of us, and the only thing that got down there was the 15 boxes of supplies we hand carried, and little cases of ampicillin and penicillin we bought in Mexico City.
So after that, I decided to never give away the Do Rey Mee, but to go in person and at least check the stuff into the hospital, school, etc. Then if it got stolen it would still go into some person’s sick behind, or under some wheelchair needy person’s fanny (I send lots of wheelchair, so my thing is called the Wheelchair Project)
By now you may we thinking, “Is he ever gonna get to the bus for sale?”
Ok, I’ll start, but only after reminding you that I’m going to Haiti in about 2 months, gonna ship a Ford bus with a healthy CAT motor, full of the stuff the folks requested (school supplies, generators, Honda Trail 90 motorbikes, medical supplies, a copy machine, etc…..no junk or used clothing please!)
So when you buy a high quality near eternal timeless hand crafted bus of bliss from me, I will take said money and buy more stuff for the project, or bend over deeply then write the check to get the bus through the Panama Canal (6 Grand, oh I love it) or change the differential (the bus only goes 50) and drive it to Miami, great fun in a noisy front engine bus with a sheet of plywood/wall right behind the driver.
But enough about me. What do YOU think about my project?
OK you wanna bus, I gotta bus. How about a mid 70’s Gillig or Crown? Why these models you say? Because the are simply the best, unequalled in quality, and bonehead simple for boneheads like you (and your extended family) and me.
These buses were built by hand (both left AND right) and sold for over 100 thousand George Washingtons back in the day, and that was back when 20 bucks could buy you a Deusenberg or an entire politician. Kids nowadays, nothing but a bunch of lazy gang bangers, driving around with that loud “music” blasting….Boy I could just grab one of ‘em by the neck and squeeze until their eyes pop, but I can’t because I teach in the public schools (20 years of tears, laughter and spineless administrators)
OK I guess I’ll sell you the Crown bus I have. It is a good bus. It is very clean. It bathes regularly, goes to church on Saturday (I don’t know why either) and will give you years of love affection and loyalty.
It’s a 1970 Crown, with a healthy and happy 220 horsepower Cummins and a 5 speed transmission. (ONLY 220 horsepower in a 19,000 lb behemoth?) Yes, only 220 horsepower, but it produces it at about 1800 RPM, and would squash your SUV like the overpriced insect that it is, and just drive right on without even a glance back.) The engine is 743 cubic inches of six cylinder hell, built for torque, and will haul 15,000 lbs without even blinking a headlight. I know, I’ve done it a time or 8. The tires are good too. They are really. They are all Michelins, tubeless, with the biggest size on a bus, 12R x 22.5. (Are you bidding yet? I can hold for a minute while you do…)
The bus is almost perfect inside, and 100% original and stock like the day it left the factory. I’ve already put about 400 miles on this bus, and let me tell you, it towed perfectly behind the wrecker. But seriously, it’s a great bus, clean, starts and runs and drives like Rolls Royce, handles like a Ferrari, and gets better mileage than those new hybrid cars. I regularly get 40-42 miles per quart, and only fill up every third Leap Year, and even then these old engines will run on bathtub water, dirt, or old paint from your neighbor’s garage.
And if you’re one of this long haired wiseacres that smokes that stuff and thinks they know everything, then this bus can easily be converted to veggie oil. I have some young friends who smell vaguely like rotting cabbage, but they can convert a bus over to veggie faster than you can say pass the bong. But they’re only good until about 4:20 in the afternoon, then after that, park your bus and lock it.
But they will help you if you wanted to go veggie or biodiesel, I’m just too busy to explore the technology right now.
And I hope you realize that I’m not just selling This Bus alone. I am violating every rule made by God and EBay, and hoping they won't notice that I am trying to hustle everything I own with one ad. I’ve got other buses and lots of parts for sale. I even work on buses (once again a crappy way to make a buck, but you do meet lots of nice people, and their wives too if you play it right) and I learn from every job I do.
So write call, or just wire directly to my bank account in Zurich. It’s the one next to Jack Abramoff’s, right behind “Duke” Cunningham’s tear stained Certificates of Deposit.
OK feel free to call me off this site and help me evade EBay’s fees. They pay ABSOLUTELY NO ATTENTION to what I write anyway. Heck, I sold somebody’s mother in law to Liberia about 2 years ago, no problem, smooth transaction.
OK you can do one of the following:
1. Call me at home. (559) 251-3814
2. Write to my e-mail. It is WheelchairBusProject@yahoo.com
3. Go to my web site. That won’t accomplish anything, but nobody goes there, and my URL is lonely and depressed. It’s a good site, loads fast, etc. There are some pictures of my first wife there too, she’s the one holding the meat cleaver. It is www.fresnoalliance.com/wheelchairproject
4. Have some fun and write me going through (ugh) the traditional EBay channels. Then both you and the other folks who have endured this ad, and have way too much spare time, can read and enjoy my ridiculous answers to your attempted questions.
OK start bidding. There isn’t that much time. Don’t bid unless you really mean it though. I’ve suffered enough heartbreak and disappointment in life already, will be 50 in about two months, and just don’t need the hassle. But for those lucky few, bid now and bid high.
Bid for yourself, and bid to support the troops. Bid. Now. Bid bid bid bid bid. Get your wife involved. Heck it’s fun for the whole family. A bus looks good in the den or driveway, and can be used as a temporary holding facility for your oldest daughter and her boyfriend when he gets out of jail.
Ok gotta go, the wife’s waking up.
So BID, bid now, and bid high, …………………because If You Don’t bid, the terrorists will have won.
Specialist 4 Patrick Young
64C20/30 (light/heavy truck driver)
Decorated veteran of the 501st transportation company
Kaiserslautern and Frankfurt Germany.
“Keeping the Russians at bay since 1974”
posted by:
patrick
Fresno
6 friends
"I remember my first orgasm. I tell ya, I was terrified. Hey whattya expect, I was all by myeslf" --the late great Rodney Dangerfield.
--------------------------------
I'm Patrick, the King of California Buses. There simply Is No Equal, so don't bother looking. I already know some of you. I was going to write a generic letter explaining my self, and reason for existence, but instead decided to amaze and delght you wth this litle bit of mirth I call "my latest ad on Ebay". Enjoy......
Here is the text of my new Ebay ad. Send it only to those who have courage and gentleness, strong backs and broad hips, or something like that. It is titled (to attract Fat Older White Men With Money) "FOR SALE: MY ATTRACTIVE WIFE AND BUS"
=================
Well, I'm actually only selling an "image" of my attractive wife now. EBay rejected my first ad, and the wife weren’t too pleased either. She got on her computer, went to EBay and listed me in Antiques, subcategory "Jerks" so I guess I got what I deserved.
So what am I really selling in this ad? Well, what’s it to you? Are you here to buy a very good high quality long lasting rugged and powerful diesel bus from me, or give me hard time? I would definitely do the former, because I have a terrible temper and poor emotional control in most situations (except when helping a grateful and satisfied customer with their high quality ultra durable best deal on the Net rugged and capable diesel bus, or parts.)
You can see all the buses I got, it's ridiculous at this point. I'm getting 3-4 more this month. So why would a otherwise sane person be doing this?? (selling buses, not wives) Well read on my son, read on.
I do this bus thing to support my fabulous non-profit, the Wheelchair Project. My wife and I went to Central America (that was my first wife, she ran away with one of my buses, a tall strapping young triple axle with a full head of hair and a devil may care Bad Boy attitude. I still see them around town now and then, and it still hurts) and had kids brought to us who were either very sick, going deaf, etc. and it was just from lack of very simple stuff like clean water, and medicines you could get at Wal-Mart for three bucks.
So, we either had a chance to face it, or act like we didn’t see it, so we decided to face it. So we helped raise 9000 bucks, and sent it to some scam artists who were supposed to be legitimate (Hey I DIDN”T choose these folks, the group did) and went we got to Nicaragua, the hospital hadn’t been destroyed, they never heard of us, and the only thing that got down there was the 15 boxes of supplies we hand carried, and little cases of ampicillin and penicillin we bought in Mexico City.
So after that, I decided to never give away the Do Rey Mee, but to go in person and at least check the stuff into the hospital, school, etc. Then if it got stolen it would still go into some person’s sick behind, or under some wheelchair needy person’s fanny (I send lots of wheelchair, so my thing is called the Wheelchair Project)
By now you may we thinking, “Is he ever gonna get to the bus for sale?”
Ok, I’ll start, but only after reminding you that I’m going to Haiti in about 2 months, gonna ship a Ford bus with a healthy CAT motor, full of the stuff the folks requested (school supplies, generators, Honda Trail 90 motorbikes, medical supplies, a copy machine, etc…..no junk or used clothing please!)
So when you buy a high quality near eternal timeless hand crafted bus of bliss from me, I will take said money and buy more stuff for the project, or bend over deeply then write the check to get the bus through the Panama Canal (6 Grand, oh I love it) or change the differential (the bus only goes 50) and drive it to Miami, great fun in a noisy front engine bus with a sheet of plywood/wall right behind the driver.
But enough about me. What do YOU think about my project?
OK you wanna bus, I gotta bus. How about a mid 70’s Gillig or Crown? Why these models you say? Because the are simply the best, unequalled in quality, and bonehead simple for boneheads like you (and your extended family) and me.
These buses were built by hand (both left AND right) and sold for over 100 thousand George Washingtons back in the day, and that was back when 20 bucks could buy you a Deusenberg or an entire politician. Kids nowadays, nothing but a bunch of lazy gang bangers, driving around with that loud “music” blasting….Boy I could just grab one of ‘em by the neck and squeeze until their eyes pop, but I can’t because I teach in the public schools (20 years of tears, laughter and spineless administrators)
OK I guess I’ll sell you the Crown bus I have. It is a good bus. It is very clean. It bathes regularly, goes to church on Saturday (I don’t know why either) and will give you years of love affection and loyalty.
It’s a 1970 Crown, with a healthy and happy 220 horsepower Cummins and a 5 speed transmission. (ONLY 220 horsepower in a 19,000 lb behemoth?) Yes, only 220 horsepower, but it produces it at about 1800 RPM, and would squash your SUV like the overpriced insect that it is, and just drive right on without even a glance back.) The engine is 743 cubic inches of six cylinder hell, built for torque, and will haul 15,000 lbs without even blinking a headlight. I know, I’ve done it a time or 8. The tires are good too. They are really. They are all Michelins, tubeless, with the biggest size on a bus, 12R x 22.5. (Are you bidding yet? I can hold for a minute while you do…)
The bus is almost perfect inside, and 100% original and stock like the day it left the factory. I’ve already put about 400 miles on this bus, and let me tell you, it towed perfectly behind the wrecker. But seriously, it’s a great bus, clean, starts and runs and drives like Rolls Royce, handles like a Ferrari, and gets better mileage than those new hybrid cars. I regularly get 40-42 miles per quart, and only fill up every third Leap Year, and even then these old engines will run on bathtub water, dirt, or old paint from your neighbor’s garage.
And if you’re one of this long haired wiseacres that smokes that stuff and thinks they know everything, then this bus can easily be converted to veggie oil. I have some young friends who smell vaguely like rotting cabbage, but they can convert a bus over to veggie faster than you can say pass the bong. But they’re only good until about 4:20 in the afternoon, then after that, park your bus and lock it.
But they will help you if you wanted to go veggie or biodiesel, I’m just too busy to explore the technology right now.
And I hope you realize that I’m not just selling This Bus alone. I am violating every rule made by God and EBay, and hoping they won't notice that I am trying to hustle everything I own with one ad. I’ve got other buses and lots of parts for sale. I even work on buses (once again a crappy way to make a buck, but you do meet lots of nice people, and their wives too if you play it right) and I learn from every job I do.
So write call, or just wire directly to my bank account in Zurich. It’s the one next to Jack Abramoff’s, right behind “Duke” Cunningham’s tear stained Certificates of Deposit.
OK feel free to call me off this site and help me evade EBay’s fees. They pay ABSOLUTELY NO ATTENTION to what I write anyway. Heck, I sold somebody’s mother in law to Liberia about 2 years ago, no problem, smooth transaction.
OK you can do one of the following:
1. Call me at home. (559) 251-3814
2. Write to my e-mail. It is WheelchairBusProject@yahoo.com
3. Go to my web site. That won’t accomplish anything, but nobody goes there, and my URL is lonely and depressed. It’s a good site, loads fast, etc. There are some pictures of my first wife there too, she’s the one holding the meat cleaver. It is www.fresnoalliance.com/wheelchairproject
4. Have some fun and write me going through (ugh) the traditional EBay channels. Then both you and the other folks who have endured this ad, and have way too much spare time, can read and enjoy my ridiculous answers to your attempted questions.
OK start bidding. There isn’t that much time. Don’t bid unless you really mean it though. I’ve suffered enough heartbreak and disappointment in life already, will be 50 in about two months, and just don’t need the hassle. But for those lucky few, bid now and bid high.
Bid for yourself, and bid to support the troops. Bid. Now. Bid bid bid bid bid. Get your wife involved. Heck it’s fun for the whole family. A bus looks good in the den or driveway, and can be used as a temporary holding facility for your oldest daughter and her boyfriend when he gets out of jail.
Ok gotta go, the wife’s waking up.
So BID, bid now, and bid high, …………………because If You Don’t bid, the terrorists will have won.
Specialist 4 Patrick Young
64C20/30 (light/heavy truck driver)
Decorated veteran of the 501st transportation company
Kaiserslautern and Frankfurt Germany.
“Keeping the Russians at bay since 1974”
posted by:
patrick
Fresno
6 friends
posted by:
|
Fresno
|
